As a livelong Catholic, I've always had a peculiar relationship with Ash Wednesday. From being a middle school student with hair that I thought was the perfect blend between Justin Bieber and Jim Halpert that the priest always had to push aside to being a pimply teenager who dreaded receiving the ashes because I thought I would break out in some crudely shaped acne cross that would scare into my forehead to being a young adult trying to squeeze in "getting my ashes" after work, because is it really "work-appropriate" to have ashes at work?
In all honesty, Ash Wednesday as it's viewed in modern US society, to me, is a strange holy day. Interpreted by some as an opportunity to get ashes as a "status symbol" of their Catholic-ness, by others as the beginning of the Lenten season that is filled with fasting, abstinence, and repentance, and yet by some as a mixture of both.
One hallmark of Ash Wednesday and Lent is the "what are you giving up?" phenomenon. It could be rather banal: candy, sweets, "negativity", soda, "haters", caffeine. To the ever so slightly more ambitious: meat, drinking, smoking, gossiping, social media (which is usually preceded with a declarative post across all social media platforms stating one's intentions - It's only 40-ish days, are we really that attached?). Among some faithful youth, it can sometimes be perceived as a spiritual dick measuring contest revolving around how "big" is your commitment to suffer based of what you "gave up". Whatever the "thing" we "give up", it's supposed to be as an act of abstinence/suffering to bring us closer in our connection to Christ's suffering and God's love.
Back to that line "For you are dust and to dust you shall return". Pretty heavy, huh? Supposed to be symbolic of our mortality. I can dig it. Our physical bodies are finite objects that will one day perish. Ok. Not particularly earth shattering. Not a easy pill to swallow, but fine, give me a cup of water and it's down the hatch. But I have a bit of a tough time believing that Catholics en-mass are on board with this. Maybe I expected more somber faces, maybe I expected more crying (other than the adorable toddler two rows up from me tonight who was banished to purgatory (the cry room) by her parents for being a "distraction"), or maybe the people I was at mass with tonight are a shit load more enlightened than I give them credit for.
Through all these thoughts, I find some solace in a passage from "Be Here Now". The wonderfully trippy work ("book" would be too trite) by the former Harvard professor, former psychedelic adventurer, and current spiritual teacher, Ram Dass:
"Surrender
What are you giving up? - a hollow little trip
That's good for another 40 years at best
You're giving it up for:
Eternal Union
with
Pure Energy & Pure Light
Because surrender means
You no longer Die
Its as simple as that
That's what it means.
Because: You that lives and dies is
You.........Ego
And fear of death only comes through
the brittleness of the Ego
Total Total
Surrender Surrender
There's no more you, no more
Life and Death
Yeah I'm going to die wow! Dig that! I'm going
to live wow! Dig that! Garbage wow!
New blossoms on the tree wow!
Patterns of Energy
All patterns of Energy
You're part of it all
That's the place!"
